and new boobs. You see, DR never dreamed she would be getting a new size 34C pair for her 40th birthday (should she have gone bigger? hmmm, maybe something to contemplate at a later date), but that’s exactly what she got, like it or not. One would have to read another blog, about that dancing rapunzel girl, to get the entire background, but long story short for now, she did get new boobs, saline actually, very real feeling… so she’s been told. But first she underwent a bilateral mastectomy. She was pretty bummed when she got a stage 2b breast cancer diagnosis as a sort of belated 39th birthday gift… October 30th, 2009. Well maybe she was not bummed so much as freaking out and hysterical. You know, crying for days, planning how to spend her last days, thinking about how embarrassing it will be when people read her journals, looked in her sketchbooks… you would think a fairly common reaction to “you’ve got cancer, we might be able to save your life, and we’ll be chopping your breasts off in order to do so”. This is somewhat dramatic, maybe way too graphic, and the doctor was much kinder about it. but it was kind of like that, in her own head. And her family came right along for the ride, making sure she never felt alone.
This is where i admit, it would be terribly exhausting (for you and me) if I were to continue writing my own story in the 3rd person, so yes, hiii, that’s me, rapunzel. Not my real name of course, but again, the other blog explains a bit about that if i recall. as i write going forward, my intent will be to document my creative journey, share what inspires me, and hopefully grow as a person. I have probably gathered much of my recent inspiration from having breast cancer, and i guess it has been a huge wake up call for me to get serious about taking care of some things, i’ve been putting off, or entirely put aside for the last 5, 10, 35 years. Specifically, things, goals, and people, that are really important to me. i haven’t always been the best daughter, or grand daughter, friend, cousin, wife, kitty mama, coworker…and so on, so i hope i can really get my act together in that area of my life. And my rockin belly dancer bod (maybe just to my husband), well it’s not so rockin anymore. more like blockin [out the sun] no, i’m totally kidding, i just start rhyming sometimes. what was i saying?… oh yes, so i would like to make a few changes in my life basically. Kind of like new boob resolutions, or something. Is it Brian Tracy? or was it that 7 Habits guy?…well one or both of them said something about making To Do lists to make positive changes in your life, or was it to become successful? Well whatever it was, i’m sure it can’t hurt my life or my success. So I guess here’s my list:
1. be a better daughter, wife, auntie, etc…
2. get in shape, eat healthier . maybe do a little more belly dancing (-:
3. paint more, create more, take lots and lots of pictures.
There’s definitely more to this list, i just probably won’t blog about it. By the way, in case you were wondering why Dancing Rapunzel ends her blog abruptly on May 19th 2010, and why there’s a stupid square thing embedded in the middle of all the text… it’s because my password got hijacked, or something, and after about 35 hours of trying to get back in or get some type of account support, i gave up and was never able to get back in it. I don’t exactly know why that square is there, but IF I COULD GET IN, I COULD FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET RID OF IT. well, i don’t think anyone at the other blog hosting site cares or is listening, but i’ve decided i’m very happy this happened because it is a brand new beginning for me. I can still go back and read some of my old posts, as a guest. But for now it’s new boobs, new job, new life, new blog. whoa… my blogging is like mirroring my real life. trippy.
anyway, about that new dress. it’s sky blue, with daisies all over it. It’s the one i wear in my most beautiful dream… the dream where i make art and take photos all day, every day… where David Bromstad, Antonio Ballitore & Chewy have all collaborated to design my home, where I like myself and i love my body (rockin or not), and where i’m surrounded by the people i love. oh and there’s cupcakes, lots of perfectly delicious cupcakes.
here is a sketch in my journal. i started making these portraits a few months ago. some are self-portraits, some are portraits of other women i’ve known, and most are a combination of both. Sometimes i do get bummed because i’ve gained some weight, or because the chemo claimed my long pretty hair. i draw the portraits when i just want to feel pretty again, and lipstick isn’t helping.
p.s. please self exam and get a mammogram! … and don’t forget to ask the doc if you’re dense!